Men in Skinny jeans; I’m coming out of the closet

I’ve been meaning to write about sex for awhile, but of course I cannot talk about the act itself because the judgmental society I live in would brand me too forward for their sons, so I’m stuck to talking about things we pretend are completely not associated with IT so are ok to talk about; like how certain guys with certain buns in certain skinny jeans ooze a lot of nice sticky, finger licking sex appeal 🙂

Yes, there are a lot of standard lists women throw around; like rich, tall and handsome (yes, I left out the dark because I think it’s a bit racist), but we all kinda vary as you go further down the list and I for one have recently discovered that I like men in skinny jeans. There is just ALOT you can tell about a guy in those nicely tight jeans. It’s out and official now.

Jean

Jean (Photo credit: Johnny.Lai)

Yes, they absolutely work for me so stop judging me you man reading this that that has never tried them. If the guy has a nice ass, nice ass + skinny jeans = me trying not to get caught staring. Pardon? what’s a nice ass?; well it shouldn’t be too big and shouldn’t look like it was flat ironed and pressed before wearing the pants, it should be just enough to check out while he’s walking away and enough to slip my hand into his back pocket and play with if we are walking together. A guy’s ass should be like those dorm buns we used to have in Nabisunsa. For those that I’ve lost by now, Nabisunsa is one of the better schools in Uganda; it’s an all girls’ secondary school that used to give out free buns once or twice a week and those buns were smaller than your average Ugandan bun and oh so perfect, they were so amazing for small sandwiches that could be eaten in 4bites or less if you have a big mouth and two of them were just enough, not too filling and not living you wanting more. Now that is how a nice guy’s ass should be, just enough.

So a guy not afraid to suck it in and pack neatly into those babies, means the guy is daring and adventurous and might be the same in other regards but mostly because I can look out for those nice buns I like.

You know what I don’t get though? I absolutely don’t get why the men around here are so afraid of these jeans though, why they won’t return the favor women are always doing for them. Do you think we like the pressure of push up bras, heels, and weaves? But we do it anyway.  They cringe every time they see the brave souls in a pair claiming the jeans kill the little chap down there but I know faster ways to kill your masculinity than skinny jeans; I’m sure those phones always vibrating in men’s pockets take down sperm count using some earthquake theory or something like that and I know for a fact men with very unflattering bodies that wear spedos at public pools are intentionally out to starve their ninjas.

So I’ve decided to let every guy around me know that I will still like them if they get a pair of skinny jeans, maybe even a bit more depending on the buns. So get one pair, at least one, if not for me at least to tell your kids and grand kids that you did it. Ok, I’m done, I promise to write about more serious something more serious in the next post.

PS: I hope I’m not losing my street cred by admitting that my eye candy is that far down though