Today,I take us back to 2012, back to a random night in december on my part, back to one of the episodes of NTV MEN, a popular TV show that has 4 guys lounging in Sheraton hotel, talking about relationship dynamics and basically giving the ”guys’ side of the story.”
On this particular night, I remember, I was home, folded up in the chair, just flipping channels looking for something funny and light to watch, something to accompany the lazy good feel the wine I was drinking had already put in motion. Given that most local stations air tele novellas at that time, MEN seemed like such a great alternative. When they introduced the episode topic why men cheat, I prepared to roll my eyes, and roll my eyes I did people. I also dropped my jaw a couple of times, laughed out in utter disbelief, stood up in protest and hunted for my pen and pad. So much for the good feel.
What did the men say that for the length of the show stole my groove? The same thing men everywhere say about them cheating; it’s in their nature, they can’t help it, women are to blame if the guy does it, and so on. The guest on the show, whose name I can’t actually recall, even went ahead to advise men to make sure they don’t get caught(I know, right!).
It’s incredible how men go out of their way to justify their cheating, to make their cheating more acceptable than a woman’s. God forbid the woman should cheat.
I’ll start with that escapism argument that men have to cheat because it’s in men’s nature to cheat. Our poor African men who have been tied down by the white man’s concept of monogamy and can only escape its painful claws through a fling or two or seven on the side. That’s the biggest joke I’ve heard since that black Santa at the zoo when I was young attempting to sell ‘HO HO HO…’ to Ugandans. We’ve all watched TV, Santa is for white children and we are all human, if it’s in men’s DNA, it surely couldn’t have missed the women that came from the rib. We are all capable of doing it, but it doesn’t mean we should go a head and do it anyway.
Here are a couple of things I’d like to say to the men and their lousy line of thought. It also goes out to the top in a gay relationship and the butch in a lesbian one:
1. That boat sailed a long time a go. We are way (over two decades to be exact), past the stage where men can get away with validating or justifying eating the chicken gizzard and the eggs, having the cool chair, physically abusing their partners and cheating, had the absolute right to talk at village meetings for the women, just because they have balls we are not even allowed to kick.
2. Cheating is wrong. Period. No man or woman should cheat and neither should come up with ridiculous justifications for it(at least women got that memo). But since we are throwing around those ones, it brings me to 3.
3. I think women have a better chance at running with the argument that it’s in their nature, that nature that the entertainment industry has reduced women to. With the way women have been objectified and our bodies reduced to mere sex props(you only have to watch Gal a bubble by Konshens for proof), we are the ones who shouldn’t need an excuse to cheat. After all, we can’t be expected to dream up the mad skills men expect us to have. How else should we be the freak in the sheets and the lady on the street if not by practice.
And yet, we still don’t use the excuse.
4. The argument that you see temptation everywhere and are too weak to control yourself is just bogus if you ask me. I for one, see temptation everywhere. I watch rugby-that lovely indecent game with big sweaty men tackling each other while their bulging muscles have to be tucked into those little shorts – that’s temptation, I have pictures of David Beckham as an underwear model-NAKED,
I see hot men around me but I don’t look for every opportunity to hit on them, let alone get into their pants.
That said, I think all men need to be careful the picture they try to portray, careful that women could use that card too in a reverse situation. I think men just cheat because they can, they lack commitment and as a way to show dominance in some imaginary power struggle. Men need to be careful because with the balance of power between men and women changing, with more women becoming the family heads, with more independent women making the decisions in the family, they become the dominant partners and they too are then open to the idea of cheating because they can, because they want to show who’s boss, because after all that’s one of the ways the power struggle is won.