Letter to 12 year old me

Dear me from those days,

so I was supposed to have written this 3 months ago on our birthday, but I’m sure it doesn’t matter because your knowledge of the world wide web begins next year when Bob takes you to that internet cafe near home to learn how to open an email address anyway.

On that point “bended@excite.com” is NOT a cool email username. Please don’t use it

Oh yeah and don’t worry about that hair and its colour, it will grow and  you will relax it and the brown will complement you. There will also be lots of colour and weaves to play with. Right now, its cut to short bob and red (yes, it happens)

Pringles will eventually go off the market, I have no idea why either, and yes, the texas bba flavour goes first. Kiwi shoe polish gets competition, Quencher eventually gets kicked out, and Rwenzori just drops the soap.

The spects will never go away, but on a brighter note, the sizes and colours change and they become fashionable. Being dark skinned will also no longer be so bad. E! tv will replace those bully names like ‘charcoal’ and ‘mucholi’ with being exotic looking and besides you’ll thank the stars you’re black and not a Moslem Arab man called Hussein living in the USA when it eventually launches its war on terror

The first year of high school sucks, and it will continue sucking for the next four years but the last two years are going to rock, that will be the beginning of defining you: the hips will finally break out, you’ll become a prefect, get your first letter from a boy that’s not your brother, and surprisingly manage to be cool. I think.

I know you hate school, I do too, that doesn’t change.

And karma’s a bitch because you wont win a lottery and drop out of school, you actually go ahead to get into law school

Mills and Boon will be replaced by more mature, bigger, better, more detailed novels with better sex scenes.

Because you’re a very late bloomer, you’ll get your first kiss much later, Don’t ask me when, just know there will be fireworks, and tingles in places you do not yet know that you have just like in the romance novels 🙂

That soap Maria De Los Angeles, start a hate campaign against it because its the beginning of a Tele Mundo soap invasion in the whole country, maybe even world. They are going to be everywhere on every local channel and everyone around you is going to be hooked. Be prepared.

Enjoy the innocence of using mum’s Erickson flip,because you’re going to become a slave to phone technology; they are going to come, woe you, seduce you, and leave you hanging like a guy that has to withdraw at the brink of cumming. None will ever be good enough there will always be something better and unreachable. Its miserable

Facebook and Twitter will come along but ,maybe let me not spoil those ones for you, just don’t forget to activate spam settings and don’t accept a friend request from mum or any of the unties.

You’re going to go through some dark times babes, I cant say they’ll be few, I cant say they’ll be easy, I cant say you’ll be unscathed but you will get through them.

Bella will pass on, go join Dad when you least expect it, so stop the fighting and bickering, and enjoy the time you have with her.

You will lose friends, you will get your heart broken, you will get disappointed and frustrated, you will cry and feel alone many times. But it is life. You will at least learn to smile or at least keep a straight face through it

But you will have amazing friends to help you through those times: they will make you laugh, finally give you a proper nickname, and throw you your first ever surprise birthday party.

Yes, a lot of things will change but, Yoweri Kaguta will still be your president with no hope of change