To The Best Thing That Happened To Me…..That’s you Pumpkin:)

 

 

Hi love,

I know, I know but

I promise this is the last time I’m writing before you get back….

So I finally changed my hair again, cut the side off

and added the yellow in it- that sexy look you wanted,

Lost my job yesterday because of it but like you always say, fuck that!

As long as it makes me more of the woman you want me to be.

 

Sally (remember my nagging conscience) of course doesn’t agree,

Doesn’t seem to agree with anything where you’re concerned

She has become a real bitch

Just like after you asked me to ditch my leeching so called friends

And after you asked me to change my slutty wardrobe…

Keeps saying I’m making a fool of myself. But I like the longer skirts, baggy jeans and turtle necks, really, I do.

Sally says I look stupid and will bake in this heat but I don’t care

As long as you find them sexy

 

Don’t know why she won’t just let me be happy.

Making you happy makes me happy, You know that, don’t you?

You know I would do anything for you honey, right?

I just wish Sally would understand what’s between us.

She spoils my day and makes me feel used and worthless,Mostly when you’re away like this.

Why can’t she just leave me alone?

I really don’t mind paying your rent, and your water bills and your car bills

And your phone bills and putting money every month on your account

She just doesn’t understand that you’re going through a rough time right now…

IT’S CALLED LOVE BITCH!!

You should have seen me putting her in her place! 🙂

And I know I promised to stop talking about her but I just can’t.

She’s driving me crazy

 

Sally says you don’t love me, that you use me

like all those other Girls who send you stalking messages on your phone

And whose perfumes and lipstick we always find on your shirts.

I keep telling her that you’re a hot guy and

Can’t help the female attention like you always say

But what would that ugly bum know about good things?

Anyway, I miss you and can’t wait to see you,

Don’t over work yourself at the business trip(Sally wonders how you can be on business trip when you

Don’t have a job. Damn blonde!)

 

Did you get the money I sent dear?

How come you haven’t called me all week or replied any of my emails?

I know, too many questions, and

I’m not whining; just want to know you’re ok.

Oh, and some woman called saying she’s pregnant with your child,

Put that slut in her place.

Love you pumpkin……

How come you never say you love me?

Anyway just wanted to tell you that I

Will be there to pick you up at the airport:)

forgot to put that in the last 8 emails I sent.

XOXO my love.

 

 

 

#TellAFeministThankYou

My dad passed away when I was 7.

He used to tell me I’d be Miss Uganda and the President of Uganda at the same time because I was left handed and as good looking as he was (its ok, roll your eyes all you want). Of course he had no idea how that opened a door for me to dream of all the endless possibilities that could be my future, he probably just wanted me to smile and feel special. I have over time wanted to be an astronaut, a pathologist, a choreographer, a pilot, a journalist and now finally studying to be a lawyer. I can’t wait to know what I’ll want to be at 35.

Nothing for me is reserved for men.

I remember how after he passed away, my mum took on the burden of raising me alone. We still went to our paternal village for the holidays. And while there, mother still only went to the kitchen hut as and when she wanted to (children dint enjoy the same luxury of course). She also continued to sit at the men’s drinking circle dishing out her opinion- a big deal back then.

My mum has been studying all my life: I know she started out with a diploma. She had just began her undergraduate course when my dad died and has since gone through most of the other works and  now has the proud burden of the ACCA certified accountants annual fee. For her, a girl MUST have an education. She says men never respect uneducated girls.

I remember in primary school, telling my mum how I was being bullied and teased by some boys and all she told me was to go and beat those boys up then ran to a teacher if I wanted them to stop messing with me. No sympathy. No pity. No consolation or hug. And for good measure, she pointed out how she had to walk kilometres to her primary school, barefoot, carrying Bab on her back. (I dint take her advice, but my sister Bella did for the both of us. Looking back, they stayed away after that)

A girl crying, for my mother, has always been a big sign of weakness, and it always earned you a frown and a lecture about learning to be stronger. If she caught you in the wrong and was caning you for it, crying only made her cane you more.

The first time, I experienced a flat tyre was with my mum. She was driving us back to Kampala from Tororo when it happened and all four passengers were women. I got out looking for a man that I could stop to help. She got out and gave me an oral crash course on changing tyres. I changed that tyre and have changed every other flat tyre I’ve got since. I also change my own bulbs and manual search for my TV stations. Until recently, I was still the first person my mum called when something wasn’t working J

 

My mum would never consider herself or my dad for that matter, a feminist, most of you wouldn’t either. I’ve also just always considered her a really strong and independent woman, and my dad the tallest strongest man ever, until today.

Every time the words feminist and feminism come up, immediately to most people-especially men, pictures of loud women screaming for their rights, lonely divorced women, overly outspoken and uptight women in trousers and women beating up their husbands for coming home late, come to mind. In Uganda, its images of scary successful women with dreadlocks and big cars kicking men’s egos like balls, single miserable middle aged women that refused to marry in their ‘prime’ and now can’t find a man, and against culture single mothers that MUST be struggling to make ends meet.

It seems every young girl or woman aspiring to be called a feminist should work towards falling within one of the categories.

courtesy of google

Why the story of feminism must be told in a hard, discouraging and downright patriarchal way is something I think needs to change. What a sad picture of feminism we’ve painted.

My parents were the beginning of the definition of what it means to me to be an emancipated woman. Equality can be earned in many different ways-they taught me to think beyond my gender box, they planted the seeds of feminism in me. I love my father for thinking I could be president, a dream of me a skinny 6year old girl doing a man’s job.  More than anything else, my mother has taught me never to be afraid to do the things men do, it’s not rocket science. She’s such a feminist. I’d put her right up there on my feminist chart smiling next to Sylvia Tamale and my best friend Godiva.

And I know there are women like her out there, changing lives, unconsciously making other women stronger through their actions, through their unknowingly emancipating demur. There are men out there, who do not hit women, who respect women’s opinions, who encourage women to be more; who through the respect and love they show to the women around them unconsciously make them set their own bar that other men must meet because they have seen a possibility through him.

Tell me reader, don’t you know a feminist?

I think it’s about time we thank the silent feminists in our lives.

August for my women

Today is the beginning of another month; the start of a new chapter for some, the opportunity to be better than last month for others, a chance to review all those New Year resolutions we made(if you even bothered), but for most, it’s just another day to get by trying to define their happiness. I do not usually attach much to months but this August for me, is a chance to meditate, to slow down, to reflect, to appreciate, and to be thankful for all the women that have joined the pieces that are slowly unfolding the story behind my puzzle of a life.

August is the month my mother was born-that amazingly crazy woman I have endless stories about that drives me raging mad sometimes but that I’d do almost anything for, literally. She; I cannot talk about in just one post but if ever I fail in life (she could cane me for even thinking it), it will never be because of any lacking on her part. I’m so proud to be those mummy’s girls people always complain of because she’s my mummy. We do a lot together; we laugh, we joke, we gossip, we fight, we argue, we share (mostly shoes), we are mother and daughter, we are sisters, we are friends.

August is the same month my sister Bella was born, only one year older than me. Growing up, we were always confused for twins but Bella was always better than me at everything; she was stronger, she was faster, she was the snake champion-for those of you, who had good old Nokia phones, she was brighter in class and unphased by anything, she could even take down boys, that girl. But she died about 8years ago and I still miss her SO much.

One woman, one girl, both amazing, both taught me and are continuing to teach me so much about life. So this moment right now, this first day of August, I’d like to dedicate to the women in my life that like my mother and sister leave footprints, and prove everyday that there is no such thing as the weaker sex.

Liz, my free spirited kid sis who I want to be in my other life because she is so awesome and doesn’t even know it- I gladly cry on her shoulder; Julie, that friend of mine that doesn’t let you cry when you’re down but pushes a cup of peppermint tea into your hands, finds whoever put you in a funk and deals with them; Lady(yes, her name)  who takes on anything with so much love and passion, it seems like a body part the rest of us missed; Suzi, who im so jealous of because she somehow makes everything ok; Amina who reads me like a book and still loves me to bits; Grace who is one of the smallest women I know but also one of the bravest-she’s the kind that always creates new paths; and Isabella, always waiting with a big hug and warm smile and who I want to be when I grow up.

Yes my women, thank you so much for being in my life and enjoy the rest of the month.

I did, however, manage to come up with all this emotion with the help of a couple of bottles of Guinness so burn it to your memory, it’s not happening again soon.

Good night the rest of you and try to be something more to the people around you, you just never know who’s counting their lucky stars they met you